I can’t recall exactly when I received the first “form” Christmas letter from a friend in lieu of the traditional Christmas card. I suppose it was 20 or 25 years ago. Probably about the time people got computers and life got too hectic to sit down and write personal notes on the cards. For a few years I even took a shot at such letters. It seemed a good way to synopsize a year in your life for those you had lost touch with. (Now I guess FaceBook does that for us.) Writing such a letter always required a lot of thought and some tact to assure that it didn’t come off as bragging too much. Of course you were proud of your kids and wanted your friends to know what they were doing but writing down that, “little Johnny scored the winning goal on his soccer team for the third consecutive game and is already being scouted by Liverpool United,” or “Susie was just voted class president, prom queen, most likely to succeed, and was currently a finalist on American Idol,” seems a bit much. It was always nice to read these letters from our friends and see what they were up to but, unfortunately, they sometimes could be a little nauseating. Have you ever received a letter that painted a picture so rosy (and so sickening) that you were tempted to respond with the antithesis? If so it might look something like this –
Dear Friend,
We just received your humble yet newsy Christmas letter and picture of your beautiful family, all dressed up in their fancy clothes, in front of your great big house, with those expensive cars parked in the driveway. God has certainly blessed you! (Both God and a really good plastic surgeon from what we can see.) It just shows how He will reward one for faithful clean living. Who would have ever thought after bankruptcy, divorce, and that messy business when your son took you to court, that your life would turn out so great.
We just thought we’d respond to your letter and let you know that we have been blessed this past year as well. Your trip around the world sounded great but we too were able to take a fantastic vacation. Every Thursday the local senior center sponsors a bus to the Indian casino in Oklahoma. On our anniversary we decided, what the heck, let’s go for it. We got up early and boarded the bus at 7 AM. Can you believe the bus ride is free (you don’t even tip the driver) all the way to Oklahoma. Now here’s the best part – they give you a coupon for a free lunch and a $5 roll of quarters to play the slot machines with. No, actually here’s the best part – when the casino rep on the bus found out it was our anniversary, he gave us an extra role of quarters! (We decided we’d save those quarters and use them for the senior breakfast at the nearby restaurant on another special occasion.) All the way up and back we gawked out the bus window at the beautiful houses we passed. We tried to imagine who could possibly have enough money to live there. Now we know – somebody like you might live in those mansions. You sure have been blessed!
Of course we love our home too (even though it’s not big and fancy like yours). This year we were able to afford to get the drainage problem fixed so that nasty sewer smell is finally gone. We can hear the train go by on the nearby tracks several times a day. It makes us wonder where all those rich people are going that can afford train travel (folks like you taking vacations I guess). In Texas you get a homestead exemption and a senior discount on property taxes. That means we can afford to turn on the air conditioning anytime it gets over 100 (which it does quite often so we are blessed as well).
We can’t believe you’ve been to all those places you wrote about IN PERSON. Even the Super Bowl, right there at the stadium and all. We used to be able to watch those sorts of games on our TV but we couldn’t afford the converter box when they switched over to digital (darned Al Gore) so now we can get the local teams on radio. We just can’t imagine actually going to the Super Bowl!
You mentioned about your new tennis court in the back yard - well, we play tennis ALL THE TIME ourselves. Last Christmas the kids got us one of those Wii machines and you can use it to play tennis right in your own living room. (It still works on the TV since you don’t have to be hooked up to any antenna.)
Our kids are doing great just like yours. They call us several times a year so we don’t have to incur any long distance phone charges. We don’t have any grandchildren that we’re aware of but our kids don’t tell us much about their personal lives.
Like you, we attend church regularly but we don’t have 4,000 members like your church. They won’t let us tend the nursery ever since my emotional breakdown. It was probably due to the 401K tanking (darned Al Gore).
You mentioned that you were praying that all your friends will have a blessed new year. I guess we will just say that we pray you will get all that you deserve in 2010.
Merry Christmas,
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